February 5, 2017 – A View from the Rectory Window

February . . . as I write a light coating of snow . . . ShopRite parking lot full of people purchasing French toast ingredients. Days, for the most part are still short. But, we are people of faith who find light in the darkness. For example, a parish ski trip, our students preparing for Confirmation are celebrating Mardi Gras, and contemplating a parish/community center because of ‘growing pains’ in our vibrant parish family. And yes, in February the celebration of love on Valentine’s Day. For those who prepare to acknowledge their beloved this month I offer the following advice:

Tech Support in Marriage:

The young woman who submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship to her husband) presumably did it as a joke. Her question:

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? Signed, Desperate

The response weeks later and unexpected:

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.

In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0.

It’s getting a little lighter every day, may our faith help us see it!

Fr. Pete

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